Grateful.

Hello all! It's me, Hannah! I decided it was finally time for me to do a post. Let me just start off by saying that I am truly overwhelmed and humbled by all the love and support my family and I have received over these past few months. I don't know how I would get through all of this with out all of you. I started going through the literally hundreds of cards I received while in the hospital and can't even begin to express how grateful I am to have all of this love and support. I also cannot express my gratitude toward my family enough. My parents have given me everything and I don't know how to thank them.

Growing up in a home like mine, I have learned to trust in myself, live faithfully, equip myself to serve not only myself but those around me, and reflect good graces on one person at a time. But none of us knew how to handle this. I thought that this stuff doesn't happen to us, it's only things we hear about. We learned take it one day at a time, some days easier than others. Everything happened so fast, I still don't think it has really hit me yet that my life is forever changed because of this cancer.

I am in the middle of my fifth week of arsenic and after Friday I get two weeks off! After those two weeks, I start another five weeks of arsenic. We found out last week that I will not be home for Christmas, which I am very upset about because Christmas at the Cobley house is quite the ordeal! I go back in the hospital the Wednesday after Thanksgiving and am there for another 30 days. Sarah is also coming home for November, December, and half of January which I am very excited about because I will have BOTH my sisters here! Woo hoo!

I will write again soon about the very interesting and entertaining things one sees at the clinic every day. Boy do I have some stories :)

Here is a link to a video that Sarah's good friend Jared sent me. While I do not have the same type of leukemia the man in the video has, it sort of put things in perspective.

Day 61...a soap box..

Hi all, been a little over a week since my last update, so time to bring you up to speed. Hannah is doing well. Two weeks of arsenic done, 3 more to go, then 2 weeks off, followed by another 5 week cycle. Hannah is venturing out more, even went to a talent show over the weekend to watch friends preform.

She has grown bored with Netflix and DVD's so she has decided to start some craft projects for the church boutique.

Over the last several months, I have watched Hannah go from a lifetime high point (high school graduation, a staring roll in a show that she loves, getting ready to go to college) to seemingly having the rug pulled out from under her with a diagnosis of leukemia. While physically she my not have faced death because of the type of cancer she has, she has faced death mentally. I feel secure in saying that the vast majority have never faced death, so we really have no idea of knowing where she has been. I know where she is going though. On with her life. She has told death to get out of her way.

She chooses to get up daily go to clinic and have poison pumped into her, knowing full well that she has to go back into the hospital in two more months to hit rock bottom again. I do not know if I could do that. Fortunately at this time of my life, I do not have to make those choices.

I am also continually amazed at how she does not seem to care about going out in public with a bald head, and a mask. People do stare, but it does not seem to bother her.

How does she do it? I have an idea, her faith, the strength and support from Sharon, Jessie and Sarah, our entire family, and you her friends and support group.

That being said, it is my turn....

Those of you that know me, know that I very rarely get on my soap box. Why you ask? I have very few opinions about anything, and do not like to speak my mind (serious sarcasm)

While I do not think that this blog is the proper medium to climb up on on a soapbox, I will indulge myself.

We live in a society where it has become very easy to whine, complain or quit. We see it everyday. Someone is blaming someone else for their condition. People whine about not having material things. A few that I see everyday, "my son did not get a scholarship because the coach did not like him", or "coach did not give me a chance so I quit."

As a society we no longer seem to take responsibilty for our own actions, it is someone else's fault. It is sad, but also dangerous for us as a society.

There are a few things that I have always believed;
Our perception becomes our reality
We can not choose what happens to us, we can only choose how we react to it.

I know that I am in many ways preaching to the choir here, but maybe, just maybe we should all take a lesson from an 18 year old young lady, and stop complaining and just get on with life.

At the risk of being knocked off this soap box, I will now step down, thank you for allowing me this rant.

Eucaristia

Day 53....life moves along

Hi all....Life is moving right along. It has been a week since the last update, and it does not seem like a week has gone by. We have really gotten the normal routine of life with cancer. Daily trips to the clinic for treatments, and life in between.

As I sat down to blog tonight, Hannah looked over at me from the sofa and said "if I hold my nose up like this, to I look like Voldemort? I think I will be Voldemort for Halloween because I'm bald."

As you might have gathered, she is doing great. She has finished one week of arsenic, and really has not had too many side affects. A couple of headaches and nausea at the beginning of the week, but that has been managed. She is now enjoying the second of three days away from the clinic do to the holiday weekend.

She also had a few outings this week, dinner party at Jessie's house, Old Navy, and she even made it to Church today.

Thank you for your continued support and prayer, it is greatly appreciated.

Eucaristia

P.S. Hannah has been watching "Bridesmaids" while I have been blogging. Highly inappropriate.

Day 46...the little things

Today's picture is wishful thinking. It is brutally hot here in Arizona, and we are tired of it. What I wouldn't give for nice cool days, in the 90's.

Hannah is great, she went to a jewlery party with Sharon and then even to the mall (mask and all) for a bit yesterday with 2 friends. She is ready for the arsenic starting tomorrow.

Now for a little personal reflection.

To say that this experience has been life changing would be an understatement. In many ways, it has been polar opposites. The fastest and slowest 46 days of my life at the same time. The most heart wrenching and joyful period of my life. The blessings and tears have been too many to count.

The motto of the the coaching staff that I work with is "do the little things" If you do the little things right, the big things will take care of themselves. So many times we as people take the little things for granted. The mundane, the things that we have to do. The things that I really don't want to do, but need to do.

Over the last 46 days, I have come to enjoy the little things. They can mean so much. A smile, a knowing touch, laughter, the wink of an eye. Little things that we do everyday that we do not think about, now affect me greatly and mean a great deal to me.

Now looking back at my 52 years, I feel that I have missed a lot of the little things. I think maybe that I was trained or conditioned to go for the big things. The mountain top experiences, the destination. I don't know, maybe it is a "guy thing"

The journey is filled with the little things.

The little things may not bring the memories, but in many ways they fulfill us. Sharon posted a Facebook status this week of "I have wonderful beautiful friends, my heart is full"

Sharon understands the little things.

I am learning to.

Eucaristia

Day 42... Back at the Clinic

Been a few days since the last update, so I thought that it was time to bring you up to speed. Hannah has been home since Sunday, and things are getting back to normal. Sharon and I are both back to work, and Hannah is hanging out during the day getting healthy.

She had not been to the clinic since last Friday, but today she had to go in to have a bone marrow aspiration. Loads of fun. Since she is being treated at PCH, they actually put her out with general anesthesia. If she was being treated as an "adult" at another hospital, she would be awake for the procedure, but as PCH it is nighty night.

She did great and is back home tonight. Her test results are good! Blood work came back strong, and the marrow tests were good as well! So back home for a few more days until she starts going to clinic Monday through Friday for 12 straight weeks.

Monday starts the second phase of the protocol, which will feature the drug ARSENIC. Yes, boys and girls you heard me correctly she will be treated with Rat poison. Sharon and I considered going to Home Depot to pick up some DCon because it would be cheaper, but thought better of it. We can thank the Chinese for this part of the protocol, they came up with it.

When we asked about side affects, we were told that there are very few, and this better tolerated than the nuclear stuff they pumped into her last month.

Thank you for your continued prayer and support. Again, words cannot express how thankful and blessed we are.

As a side note, I will probably get in trouble for using the picture that I choose for this update, but I really don't care. I like it.

Eucaristia.

Day 39.... Home...

Hi all, after the emergency room, PCH, and the staycation at Chez Fitch, Hannah is home!!

Her room is done, as you can see by the photos!!

Her room is the nicest room in the house, by far! I wanna have it, except it is a little to "girly" for me.

The "thank you's" to the people that made this room happen do not seem sufficient. There were so many that I KNOW of, and yet I know that there were others that I do not know of.

There are really no words....

Home.. I now remember what that means. For the last 39 days this building where I have been sleeping was not home. It was not filled with family. However today there was an incredible transformation. No longer was there the sound of hammers, the smell of paint, and the movement of workers.

Today this building was filled with the sound of music, laughter, and the smell of a home cooked meal.

Home..I truly understand the meaning of that now.

We are so very blessed.

Eucaristia.

Day 37.... the clinic....

Let me start of by saying this. Blogger is making me MAD. For some reason I cannot upload photos. Had a great one for tonight so all of you that know Hannah real well close your eyes. Picture her excited, and that is the picture at the top of the page. Darn blogger.

So Hannah and I went to the clinic today for her first blood work since she was discharged.

She had several good days at Dr Tom and Janis' house and we were ready. Strategy was discussed, and the game plan was in place. Here it is... Blood tests good, no transfusions, go home.

That being said she had a tuff night. Up for about an hour with really bad heartburn. I actually think that while Hannah did not enjoy the heartburn, Sharon enjoyed it as I was snoring and this was our first night in the same bed in 37 days.

As we drove to PCH not a lot happened, but when we got there, Hannah's attitude changed. It seemed to be a sad place. Something that we are not used to. As she sat there with her bald head, and not feeling great, she was commenting on how bad she felt for the other kids. One of the reasons that Hannah is loved so much is that she, like all of our girls always puts others before themselves. Sharon and I are very fortunate.

That being said, we go in, have tests, and guess what?? All the test show that she is doing great!!! Numbers up, no cancer.. As Sarah would say, Hannah is kicking cancers ace!!!

On the way home I was fortunate enough to see HannahPod (hPod). hPod is her version of an iPod on shuffle. Songs, songs and more songs along with dances in the seat next to me. I was glowing.

Hunger set in and Hannah wanted a California Pizza Kitchen frozen pizza. One way to get it. Go to Safeway.

We were given the thumbs up for going to a public place, so as we stood outside the door, me getting the cart, and her putting on her mask she said she was nervous, I looked at her and said, "Why? We gotta do this some time." Her response, "You are right, lets go."

The pizza tasted great.

Eucaristia.