Day 17... Letting go....

****Flash****

Hannah's white blood cell count it up (that is good) and for the fourth day

in a row, she has not produced any cancer cells!!

So, I was not going to post tonight, I am very tired, I kinda hit the wall today, and quite frankly wanted to go to bed and have everything go away.  Well guess what, I do not have that option for two reasons, one is that I have a daughter that is fighting with all her might, and I looked in the mirror and said to myself, "really, you are tired???  give me a break..."  

The second reason is that God does not care if you are tired when it is time to learn something.  

I have several things going against me in my general make up.  First, I am a man, I have learned over the years that men have flaws, and women are very good at finding those flaws.

Second, I am a dad.  Dads by nature think they can fix everything.   "I am the dad, I will fix it."

Thirdly, and most importantly is that I have been a high school football coach.  Face to face, fix things.  Take it on, deal with it, work harder win.

That in a nutshell is me.  I want to control those things I can.

I learned along time ago that it is very easy to let those things go to God, that can not be controlled.  I can not control Hannah's health, so for me, it is very easy to let that go to God.  I know that I can not fix that, I have to rely on others for her to become well.  I am simple minded and that is easy for me.

Today, I learned that letting go of those things that I "think" I can control, while very difficult, can be very liberating.  

This evening, our house was full of people.  Painting, cleaning, doing laundry.  Simple things.  Stuff I can handle, except not at this point of my life.  A good friend came up to me and told me that she was taking the laundry, that I needed to focus on Hannah and work.  All I could do was hug her.

I am learning to rely on others.  What I am learning is that this is not a sign of weakness, (as I may have originally thought) it is actually a sign that I am relying on the body of Christ to minister.  I am weak others are strong, that is why we are a body.

Eucaristia