Day 19... Ernie the bug man...

Today was a non post day.  Not a lot happened.   Hannah had a difficult day with the meds, but her blood work is coming back with great results.  Another day with no cancer cells being produced!!

Over the last few weeks I have been asking God how He can further His kingdom through this. Today, our friend Bethanne who has been one of so many helping at the home front, had an experience today that shows that God is control of this situation.

This is from her blog: confessionsofamiddleclassmom.blogspot.com.

Ernie the Bug Man

Being a religious person, and trying, most of the time, without success, I do try to see God's work and the good in people everywhere.  I seem to gravitate to the obvious...children, pastors, well meaning friends.  I DO try to look beyond the most likely candidates, and see God in people who aren't always nice, smiling, friendly or well meaning.  Today I saw God, I stood in an open garage and actually spoke to God....He wasn't a pastor, a friend, or someone I would consider unpleasant, and definitely wasn't a complete stranger......It was Ernie, the "bug man", otherwise known as an exterminator.  Ernie had come to my friend's home to spray for bugs and do a preventative check for termites.  My friend's daughter is in the hospital and I have offered to help get her daughter's room ready for her return home.  Ernie went about his business and we came to a stopping point.  He thought we should clear some plants against the house and I couldn't have that done immediately.  We agreed that we would schedule another time when he could finish spraying, and as he said, "Do the best job he could do."  We headed out of the house and he looked at his palm pilot, checking dates.....He said, "You know, she is going to be alright."  Before I could utter a response he went on, he told me that God works through situations. he hasn't necessarily created the situation ,  but that can teach his followers something through them.  I stood with my mouth, which I'm sure was hanging open, unable to speak.  He went on......He said," You know all the good you're doing here?  All the good that this family has done?  Your church?" I said." Yes."  He said," God accepts it, but he doesn't need it. He is everything, everywhere, perfection, that is why he gives it back to you in another form.  It may be a strengthened faith, it may be a prayer answered or a healthy outcome.  It comes back, whether you feel you deserve it or not."  At this point I started to weep.  I wasn't sobbing but, I WAS weeping.  He took my hand and confidently stated,  "She is going to be fine."  I composed myself and told him I would call him with a follow up appointment time, that would work with the outpatient treatments my friend's daughter would be having.  I put out my hand to shake his....he shook his head and with open arms embraced me.   He told me he would be gone to Guadalajara on a mission trip for a week and to call him after that..... I am certain I have seen God before, but my eyes were not open to it.  Thank you Ernie, for opening my eyes to see God right in front of me, working through you.......

 

Eucaristia..

Day 18.. Hannah 450, cancer ZERO

 

Hi all, last night was about reflection and warm fuzzies.   Please do not think that I feel that warm fuzzies are not important.  They are.  No question.  However tonight is about the score, you need an update, so here it is.

The number that we needed to get to zero, her ANC, which is her total immune system strength, got to zero on Thrusday, and has been going up and down over the weekend.  In the last 24 hours it has increased by 400 points, and there are no cancer cells being created in her system.  Hannah is winning in a big way.  

She does not feel like it however, she still feels bad, but one of the major signs that she is winning  today was that the sores in her mouth were producing more mucus.   Gross sounding I know but what that means is that Hannah's immune system is attacking the sores.  That is what is causing the mucus.  Gross, yes, but sometimes battle is ugly.

Eucaristia.

Day 18... A great way to start the day!

The link below kinda sums up what I was feeling last night.  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QSIVjjY8Ou8&feature=share

Day 17... Letting go....

****Flash****

Hannah's white blood cell count it up (that is good) and for the fourth day

in a row, she has not produced any cancer cells!!

So, I was not going to post tonight, I am very tired, I kinda hit the wall today, and quite frankly wanted to go to bed and have everything go away.  Well guess what, I do not have that option for two reasons, one is that I have a daughter that is fighting with all her might, and I looked in the mirror and said to myself, "really, you are tired???  give me a break..."  

The second reason is that God does not care if you are tired when it is time to learn something.  

I have several things going against me in my general make up.  First, I am a man, I have learned over the years that men have flaws, and women are very good at finding those flaws.

Second, I am a dad.  Dads by nature think they can fix everything.   "I am the dad, I will fix it."

Thirdly, and most importantly is that I have been a high school football coach.  Face to face, fix things.  Take it on, deal with it, work harder win.

That in a nutshell is me.  I want to control those things I can.

I learned along time ago that it is very easy to let those things go to God, that can not be controlled.  I can not control Hannah's health, so for me, it is very easy to let that go to God.  I know that I can not fix that, I have to rely on others for her to become well.  I am simple minded and that is easy for me.

Today, I learned that letting go of those things that I "think" I can control, while very difficult, can be very liberating.  

This evening, our house was full of people.  Painting, cleaning, doing laundry.  Simple things.  Stuff I can handle, except not at this point of my life.  A good friend came up to me and told me that she was taking the laundry, that I needed to focus on Hannah and work.  All I could do was hug her.

I am learning to rely on others.  What I am learning is that this is not a sign of weakness, (as I may have originally thought) it is actually a sign that I am relying on the body of Christ to minister.  I am weak others are strong, that is why we are a body.

Eucaristia

Day 17.... Some Laughter..

Hello all, welcome to day 17.  Business first.  Hannah's immune system remained flat (which is not unusual we may not see daily growth)  but day three of no cancer cells in her system!!  The kid is winning!!

Now for the fun stuff.  We Cobley's laugh.  A LOT.  Today there was laughter and snorting in the room.  As I spoke of yesterday, Hannah has sores in her mouth that are a direct result of her chemo.  Her nurse for the day, whom we love, decided enough was enough we need some comfort.  Bring on the morphine.

We all know that one of the many things that we love about Hannah is her quick wit. Well trust me Hannah's quick wit, with a tongue that looks like it belongs to Jabba the Hut, on morphine was something to behold.

Let me give you an example.  To truly understand this you must all participate in what I am about to ask you to do.

First. stick out your tongue.
Second, hold the tip of it with your index finger and thumb.
While holding it say, (Hannah's best quote of the day) "this morphine is wonderful stuff"

Please, throughout the evening stop and do this with your favorite Hannah quote, and you will see why we were laughing so hard.  Even some snorting was heard in the room.  I will not say who it was though.

On a serious note.  Sharon and I have learned that there is a kind of bond between cancer "parents" on the floor.  A knowing smile, a nod.  We are all fighting the battle with our children.  

About a week ago, I met a dad "W" that has a 17 year old daughter that is having a relapse.  She does not have the same type of cancer that Hannah has, however she is having the same type treatment.  His daughter
"M" is having a hard time.  Her immune system is not responding like Hannah's is.  In fact her immune system has been at zero for a week.  Please pray for her.

Eucaristia.

Day 16.... Cautiously optimistic...

So as you know, I took a break on day 15, and quite frankly not a lot happened. But today we have some activity that is worth telling you about.
 

 Day 14 was the start of the struggle.  Hannah's immune system was at about zero and as you saw in the picture of Sharon holding her, it was a struggle.  There were several times during the course of the day when she looked at me with the look in her eyes of "please make this go away."  One of the hardest days of my life, not being able to make it better.
 

Day 15 (yesterday) was more of the same.  Fever was coming and going.  She had developed some sores in her mouth that are very painful, but a direct result of the chemo.  The medical staff worked to make her as comfortable as possible, while she battled.  We did have some good news, her blood tests were showing that she was winning.
 

Today was much better, still in pain from the sores, but that can be managed.  The Hannah that we all know and love showed up a little today.  While it hurts to talk, she has become very good at sign language, and her expressive eyes are working again.
 

So here are some numbers that will help you.  Before she hit rock bottom, her immune system that needed to get to zero, was at 16, and the percent of cancer in her blood was 3%.  Yesterday through all of the suffering her immune system was up to 40 and she had zero cancer in her body!  Today her immune system was at 140, and still zero cancer!!!!!  I feel like Aniken Skywalker in Star Wars One when he is in his pod racer when it starts for the first time and he is yelling "it's working, it's working!!" Yes it is working, with the power of prayer, her toughness, and the medical staff, she is coming back.  We are cautiously optimistic.  She well have bad days, and we are 2 weeks into a treatment protocol that will last just over 5 months.  But right now, today, Hannah is getting better, and we know that with each passing day she will get stronger.
 

Again the support has been overwhelming.  Her room at home is going through a transformation that is hard to describe. We are overwhelmed, humbled and grateful, words can't even begin to come close to describe how we feel.
 

Please continue to text Sharon to see if she is up to visitors.

Eucaristia.

Day 14... Goodness I learned alot!

So the kid had a bad day.  This morning at about 1:30, she had a fever that spiked at 103.7.  Scary.  Bring in the antibiotics.  We have basically zeroed out on the immune system, and she is fighting like crazy.  Tuff kid.  Just like her mom.  Speaking of Sharon, I do not know how she does it, I come home everyday like a whipped pup, and she it like the energizer bunny.

Obviously we had to worry today with her fever being so high, well, this evening it has been confirmed by the Dr's that it is not an infection, it is just her body reacting to the poison (chemo) being pumped into her body.  That is great news, but it does not make it any easier.  FYI her temp is normal now.

 Mail call.  What I learned from this is that sooooo many people care.  The nurses learned that too.  They have been shocked by the support.  The picture above is the mail that was delivered to the room today!! Wow.  We on the other hand have not been shocked, just blessed.

I also learned about fancy dinners.  Imagine if you will being in a hospital room with your child.  A friend brings you a meal, with a table cloth, silverware, the works.  An adult beverage is poured into a paper coffee cup with a top, so as not to draw attention.  Note to self.  Adult beverages, especially the red kind can eat away at coffee cups.  It is very important to know this due to the fact that you never want to have a medical staff in your room working on a spiked fever when your concern is the adult beverage that has eaten the coffee cup and is not in a puddle on the floor.

The most important thing I learned is the difference between moms and dads.  I am a dad, I have 3 daughters that I would do anything for.  They know that.  But what I learned today is that when you feel really crappy and want comfort, you go to mom.  I think the picture above says is all.

Eucaristia.