Hannah's white blood cell count it up (that is good) and for the fourth day
in a row, she has not produced any cancer cells!!
So, I was not going to post tonight, I am very tired, I kinda hit the wall today, and quite frankly wanted to go to bed and have everything go away. Well guess what, I do not have that option for two reasons, one is that I have a daughter that is fighting with all her might, and I looked in the mirror and said to myself, "really, you are tired??? give me a break..."
The second reason is that God does not care if you are tired when it is time to learn something.
I have several things going against me in my general make up. First, I am a man, I have learned over the years that men have flaws, and women are very good at finding those flaws.
Second, I am a dad. Dads by nature think they can fix everything. "I am the dad, I will fix it."
Thirdly, and most importantly is that I have been a high school football coach. Face to face, fix things. Take it on, deal with it, work harder win.
That in a nutshell is me. I want to control those things I can.
I learned along time ago that it is very easy to let those things go to God, that can not be controlled. I can not control Hannah's health, so for me, it is very easy to let that go to God. I know that I can not fix that, I have to rely on others for her to become well. I am simple minded and that is easy for me.
Today, I learned that letting go of those things that I "think" I can control, while very difficult, can be very liberating.
This evening, our house was full of people. Painting, cleaning, doing laundry. Simple things. Stuff I can handle, except not at this point of my life. A good friend came up to me and told me that she was taking the laundry, that I needed to focus on Hannah and work. All I could do was hug her.
I am learning to rely on others. What I am learning is that this is not a sign of weakness, (as I may have originally thought) it is actually a sign that I am relying on the body of Christ to minister. I am weak others are strong, that is why we are a body.